Compersion Whiplash

So, my paramour husband has a brand new girl in his life.  She’s darling and cute; we have a lot in common – like writing and type A personalities. I can’t wait to get to know her better.

The four of us (she, her husband, he and I) have hung out a bit a couple of times now, including last night where I was an emotional voyeur, watching them cuddle and nuzzle each other, watching her husband get texts from his girlfriend, and trying to pay attention to two very different movies (Paul and Red State).  I was very turned on my the cuddling, watching their hands trace paths over the other’s, seeing how well they fit together.  I loved the feelings of happiness that were radiating off of them, making me even more drunk than the wine (of which I had way too much).  Score 1 for different women in his life being awesome!  Her husband was adorable; his happiness mixing in well from his NRE with his own girl.

But there I was, getting NRE vibes from three separate parties in two new relationships, and missing it being a direct part of my being.  I’m saturated, and I feel like I won’t get NRE again, ever…. and I miss it.  Oh, God, I miss it.  So, enter the feelings of jealousy.

Wait, jealousy is a worthless emotion.  Why am I feeling it?  Because I’m insecure.  What if she’s better at anything, or worse everything, than I am?  Wait, “better” and “more” are nearly worthless adjectives.  Try, “different.”  For one, she’ll enjoy Twilight with him, so I don’t have to.  Score 2 for different women in his life being awesome!

So, yes, I am having a lot of issues battle between my head and heart right now.  But, seeing him happy has been fantastic, and he has done a terrific job of making me feel  secure.

I am a very lucky woman, and I am so thankful for him finding a woman who meshes so well with him.  Now, to survive the NRE jealousy and compersion collisions.    Wish me luck!

About SoManyHandles

30-something female, intent on living life.
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1 Response to Compersion Whiplash

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I love that all these emotions can be processed freely, without judgment. It’s very comforting.

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