At some point in everyone’s life, the individual is faced with the question of “why?” (Sometimes, it happens more than once, especially if you live with a 2 year old.)
For me, this has happened many, many times (and yes, I’ve lived with a 2 year old, but it has happened more than even I could have anticipated given that piece of information).
Why am I pushing myself toward law school? Why am I killing myself for a job that doesn’t seem to value me? Why am I still in this relationship formerly known as a loving marriage? Why am I not satisfied with my own spirituality?
Each time a why question appears, I find myself investigating what my true nature is, what my needs fully encompass, and how to move into a greater sense of joy and fulfillment. So why, when I learned the term polyamory, did I not push myself to investigate the why of that identity? I certainly should have. It’s high time I did so, and I thank a certain Sarah Sloane for pushing me toward this process. ( I am taking a slightly different approach to her mission statement process, but I am certainly going to be taking pieces from her outline in future postings. I’ll credit properly, there, too. This is just my thanks for starting me off!)
Why do I feel that I am polyamorous by nature?
My familiar past is filled with loving that does not stay within typical boundaries. My grandpa was of no blood relation, but he was my closest male mentor for many years. My father adopted me when I was eight, because he chose to accept me as part of his family.
My romantic past is filled with the desire to be open to possibilities, never denying an experience simply because a conservative society told me to. I did not know I was attracted to females until I met a certain past love. I did not comprehend openness until my partners did not chastise me for abiding by my desires.
I am one who is open to helping when and where I can, who wants more love in this world. Love comes naturally from peace, and I understand that the most intrinsic way to promote peace is to promote compassionate communication.
I also like the flutter of butterflies in my stomach and heart in the height of new relationships. I admit, I’m in this for me, too.
I believe it is unnatural and cruel to expect to turn off feelings for someone simply because I am already in a loving relationship, or to turn them off for an old flame when a new spark strikes for me. (After all, I didn’t stop loving my eldest son when I had another child, and I didn’t expect to not love my second because I loved my first.)
I believe that love is limitless, so long as you allow it to be, though I understand my calendar is not. I understand that I will not be able to have fulfilling relationships with countless people, but I know the number can certainly go higher than one.
I believe that polyamory is part of my nature. I do not believe that everyone has the capacity for polyamory that I have. I do not expect to make everyone conform to my relationship structures. At the same time, I do not want to be expected to conform to a structure that does not work for me. My needs are too great.
As I’ve said, I like butterflies, and while a good partner can give you butterflies over and over, I like monarchs and mission blues, and brushfooted, I can’t forget those! Different partners, for me, are able to give me different things, and I love them all for the variety of love they offer to me. I like service-oriented men. I like big, burly, hulks of men. I like men who appreciate and can teach me about symphonies. I like women who can share food and dissect the ingredient list with me. I like women who like to go on long walks, not needing to talk.
My needs are great, my time and patience is limited, and encouraging my partners to have other partners also provides me with a big need: Me Time.
So, between my nature and my needs, I am polyamorous and proud of it.