From Questions to Answer: “Who am I? … What are the core pieces of me that will need to be respected as I form new relationships?”
I have spent the majority of my life trying to be who I thought other people wanted me to be. This is a very difficult type of question for me to answer because of that. The sad truth is that I had very little idea who I was and what I wanted for a good chunk of years.
What it comes down to, at the very basic core of this question, I think, therefore , is that, well, (like all the comma uses? Can you tell I’m stalling?) I want to be the opposite of who I was from about the age of 14 through 31. Seventeen years of my life… it isn’t that I want to erase those pieces of me, but that I want to assure I remember them, and build my foundation stronger because of them.
My relationships will need to respect that I am a constantly changing individual, and that I have very little concrete understanding of what my life goal is right now. I’ve already done the three-letter job title, both domestically (M-O-M) and in my career (C-F-O), and while I never want to give up being a mother, I want to be more than that, too. I did want to give up being CFO, because I wanted to be more than an underpaid hat rack to a non-profit organization.
Who am I, beyond titles and ages? I am whimsical and dependable. I am strong and emotional. I am youthful and old beyond my years. I am smart and naive. I am an enigma.
Dammit, that’s no help.
I am a dominant woman, who likes to have a sense of control, at all times, even in those times I release control to others.
I am a spiritual woman, who believes that community is necessary in order to grow both roots and branches.
I am a creative woman, who believes that the cathartic release of writing is necessary for my mental and (by extension) physical health.
I am a woman whose primary Languages of Love are Acts of Service (this is how I need to be spoken to) and Words of Affirmation (this is how I speak my love).
At least that’s a start, I suppose. I expect all of the questions, who, what, where, when, how and why will all be re-examined on a regular basis until I am confident they are as lasting as can be for me… which I give at most, six months.